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Nick Levine's (last ever
*sob*)
single reviews
A goodbye to Nick from the
teentoday.co.uk editor
Camper than Christmas at Graham Norton's, wittier than the
combined comedic talent at the British Comedy Awards, and an
excellent speller to boot, Nick Levine's weekly music
reviews have been the highlight of your editor's (admittedly
rubbish) Sunday nights.
Unfortunately, like Peter Andre's
six pack, Smash Hits magazine and The Spice Girls, all good
things must come to an end. This week's comedic masterpieces
will be Nicks last for teentoday.co.uk: he's moving to a
better paid job on another site. Thank
you Nick and good luck!
Pop fans, this news may be shocking, but before you go as
barmy as Michael Barrymore within the confines of the BB
house, take a deep breath and repeat after me: it's only pop
music, it' only pop music, it's..... What am I talking
about?!? - it's pop music! We! Need! A! New! Reviewer! And!
Fast! If you think you've got what
it takes, click here to
email us and show us
what you can do.
- Olly |
This week’s reviews will be the last set from your avid reviewer.
Sob! Feel free to crack open the gin*, pop on some Joni Mitchell
and shed a few tears for the good times we’ve shared.
Rather appropriately, this week’s singles are rated by reference
to our five favourite songs with a farewell/so long/just get your
fat arse out of my fookin’ house! theme.
5: Spice Girls: Goodbye
4: Madonna: The Power Of Goodbye
3: Soft Cell (and definitely not David Gray): Say Hello,
Wave Goodbye
2: Bananarama: Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye)
1: Atomic Kitten: Last Goodbye
*If you’re
under eighteen, may we recommend pomegranate and blueberry juice
as a more suitable choice of beverage. It’s jam-packed with
antioxidants, you know.
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 Ashlee
Simpson
'Boyfriend'
Let’s get the obvious out the way: Ashlee Simpson can’t sing.
She doesn’t have a “distinctive, original voice”. She isn’t
even a “competent studio singer”. She just can’t sing. Anyone
who’s heard her older sister’s rendition of Angels will
be grateful for that.
Boyfriend, the first single from her US number one
album I Am Me (who else would you be, love?), is
archetypal American teen-pop circa 2006. Building from a
near-rockabilly riff, it soon launches into an angsty chorus
layered with processed guitars and our ‘Shlee wailing that she
“didn’t steal your boyfrieeeend”. You gotta feel for the poor
love; she probably thinks this is, like, really raw and edgy
and stuff. The rest of us know the truth: Boyfriend is
more SUV than CBGBs. But sometimes there’s nothing wrong with
that at all.
Watch the video now >>
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window)
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 Lee
Ryan 'When I Think Of You'
Let’s get the obvious out the way: Lee Ryan has a great voice.
He doesn’t merely possess a “decent voice for a former
boybander”. He’s more than a “competent studio singer”. He
just has a great voice. Trouble is, his solo career’s been
somewhat lacking in the tune department. When I Think Of
You is a warm ballad with a smoky, late-night feel and
some lovely ivory-tinkling.
The record company seems to think it’s a bit of a lost Motown
classic. They’re wrong. The Diana Ross of 1966 wouldn’t have
touched this song with her boney, well-manicured,
super-assertive little finger. The Diana Ross of 2006,
however, is probably keen to record it as a duet with Monsieur
Ryan. In separate studios, naturally.
Watch the video now >>
(new window)
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 Bon
Jovi 'Welcome To Wherever You Are'
Another year, another turgid Bon Jovi single. At least the
Stones had the decency to age as they began trading on former
glories; Jon, Richie and The Other Two all look suspiciously
unlined and clearly spend more money on grooming than Girls
Aloud these days. Perhaps Botox prevents our heroic frontman
from cracking the smile that bellowing lyrics like “Maybe
we’re all different, but we’re still the same; we all got the
blood of Eden running through our veins” must surely bring.
New Jersey’s finest have churned out worse singles, but it’s
hard to imagine even their most German fans going nuts for
this one at Wembley Stadium in June.
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