First kiss advice

Scientific boffins at TT HQ confirm that the first kiss is a landmark event in any teenager’s youthful existence. Failure to successfully complete this landmark event will guarantee a 100% unhappy future. Worried? You should be. Hit “see more” for advice on your first kiss.

KISSING
Also known as: snogging, liplocking / locking lips, getting off, tongue sandwich, french kissing

Inspired by a Dear troubled teen request for advice on a first kiss we have created the following step-by-step guide to perfecting the art of liplocking. Following these simple steps has been proven to guarantee 100% success in all first kiss adventures.

Locate the partner/victim
The most difficult part of a successfully planned and implemented first kiss event is not the kiss itself, but finding someone with which to share it. Kissing yourself although fun is considered weird and strange. Hence, locating a willing accomplice is step 1. We know this for sure: best first kisses are with people you like. Before puckering up / making sex faces / gazing longingly (events that take place in the seconds before the main event) it is imperative to find someone with which to enjoy the first kiss aka the partner. Partners can be found in a variety of locations, including park benches, school classes and “down the offy”. You can confirm you have met with a suitable partner if your body experiences unusual things – bodily function cliches like light headed-ness, stomach in knots or containing butterflies, and hairs on the back of the neck standing up. More importantly if the partner calls you during Glee and you’re happy to answer, they’re 100% guaranteed the right person for the first kiss.

IN SUMMARY: The most important factor for a successful first kiss is that it is with the right person.

Perfect the setup: timing and location
Once an appropriate partner has been located, you need to plan the *time* and location of the all-important first kiss to perfection. It is easier to detail times when a first kiss isn’t appropriate to highlight some of the common mistakes made by rookie lip lockers:

In public – unless banter from mates, and the judgement of old people turns you on.
When drunk – seems like a good idea. Isn’t. See: numerous teen movies dealing with first kisses. Plus, you want to remember it, right?
Straight after eating – garlic is the enemy.
During a blackout – or other inappropriate ‘mood’ lighting. Seeing what you’re doing has benefits.

Of course once a first kiss has been successfully nailed feel free to then ignore this advice.

Doing it: in 9 simple steps
So, you’ve followed our guide and have procured a partner. You’ve moved mountains to create a relevant setup. Now for the nitty gritty of the kiss itself. Let’s get all instruction manual and spell this one out for you using the ever-handy and hopefully familiar 1,2,3 system.

1) Find somewhere alone so as to avoid the judgement glare of other hormonal types – see timing and location above.
2) Make sure your breath is fresh.
3) Take it slow. This is important. It helps to avoid a multitude of problems including nose bashing, knocked teeth and slobber. Avoid porn star kissing and Eastenders style rampant snogs as inspiration.
4) Lean in slowly when the moment feels “right”. Purists tend to lean to the right so for the first kiss this is most appropriate. We would try and explain the concept of “right” but it is unique to you. If you don’t want to kiss, don’t. If you do, now’s the time.
5) Close your eyes. It’s weird to stare unless you want to instigate some sort of passionate movie-esque moment
6) Place your lips together for a few second and pull away
7) Repeat 6) multiple times.
8) Slowly and gently push your tongue into your partner’s mouth and explore. Most people tend to start TOO quick and TOO intensely. Top tip is to start slow and build from there.
9) You’re done. Perfect this from here.

Now that was easy, wasn’t it? Though without our handy guide it would have been disastrous. We promise. Most importantly: take it slow, try different things and evolve your style depending on your partner. It’s a bit like dancing, people have different rhythms. More simply, some people are good at it. Others are Olly. With a bit of effort you can learn to perfect the routine in-sync with your partner. Within weeks you’ll be kissing like a dirty porn star / quivery-lipped Vampire or the star of a mediocre romcom (delete as appropriate). Oh and if it’s a complete disaster, do not worry, nearly everyone over the age of 22 that we asked could barely remember their first kiss. Now that’s depressing.

DONT’S
- Bite – the liberal use of lip / tongue biting is for advanced practitioners of kissing only. It should not form part of your first kiss. Feel free to implement after 22 minutes of practice – see advanced kissing techniques guide coming soon.
- Make it too long – short and sweet first kisses boost confidence, start you on the right track and will inspire many others.
- Worry if it’s crap – as long as you follow our guide it should be fine, and if it’s not great get your partner of choice onto teentoday.co.uk and swotting up on this very guide.

Alternatives
Shortcuts to a first kiss – though great results are not guaranteed these tried-and-tested techniques can help get it out the way.

- Slag yourself around, kiss randoms
- Get so drunk you don’t remember
- Kiss a clenched fist / your arm / your cousin or preferably best mate

Other TT users share their first kiss
For most of team TT, our first kisses were several years ago, so we asked our loyal followers to share their first-kiss experience or lack of with the world. Here’s what they said.

TheoSpencer 11/12 with my friend danielle, they were telling me to get my first kiss out of the way. i was shaking, alot.
LiamHannah 16, outside a friend’s house after a party, steaming drunk off Ameretto with some (at the time) random emo girl.
Grace I don’t really remember – Fairly PG I think.
allyretro i haven’t had my first kiss i’m waiting for the right one. even though i might not have a right one, but just someone who i really really really like and who really really really likes me back :D
Marie I have had my first kiss… Umm… I think it was A.M.A.Z.I.N.G.!!! LOL Just need to relax and enjoy the moment!!! <3
callyyyy First kisses do not live up to the hype. Mine was like a dishwasher. AND HE HAD HIS EYES OPEN. WEIRD. Safe to say the relationship didn’t last long.
jackleigh It seriously is nothing to worry about, everyone thinks it is beforehand. But when you eventually get to it, it’s nothing.
PatrickFH94 I haven’t had mine yet, but I hopefully will one day.
imagleek91 I don’t remember I was drunk… Yes at 13 Don’t Ask
mmm_gash First kiss? 17, dodgy Blackpool B&B with a guy about to go and audition to be a drag queen at Funny Girls. #jamiefail

Celeb kisses
Celebs kiss too. We asked them to share their first kisses with you too. When they bother to get back to us we will detail them here. It’s as if they have something better to do.

Thanks for reading our the teentoday.co.uk guide to a perfect first kiss. Whatever your style, whoever it is with and however it goes, we wish you the best of luck.

Did we help? Share your first kiss experience please… top tips?