Voice of the London Underground gets sacked for having a sense of humour

Emma Clarke, the voice of the London Underground has just been fired for recording and posting some spoofs on her own blog. “Mind the gap” no more. To spare her server and just in case she’s forced to remove the recordings from her website, links to the recordings are below:

“Do not drop litter on the train. Please use the tramps provided”

“Warning, this is an emergency. I’ve chipped a nail”

“Would the passenger in the red shirt pretending to read a paper, but is actually staring at that woman’s chest, please stop. You are not fooling anyone. You filthy pervert”

We’d like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loud.”

“Passengers should note that the bearded gentleman’s rucksack contains the following items only: Some sandwiches, a library card and a picture of a bare ankle and is no cause for alarm”

“Passengers are reminded that a smile is actually a friendship signal and not a sign of weakness”

“Would the passenger in the pinstripe suit and £1000 glasses who obviously works in the media, please take one step forward on to the track as the train arrives. Thank you.”

Residents of London are reminded that there are other places in Britain outside your stinking shithole of a city, and if you removed your heads from your arses for just a couple of minutes, you may realise that the M25 is not the edge of the Earth”

“Passengers are reminded that, like all voiceover artists, I probably look nothing like you imagine and may turn out to be somewhat of a disappointment”

“Would passengers filling in answers on the Sudokus please accept that they’re just crosswords for the unimaginative and are not in any way more impressive just because they contain numbers”

“Here we are again, crammed into a sweaty tube carriage. And today’s Wednesday - only two more days until you can binge drink yourself into a state of denial about the mediocrity of you life. Oh, for Goodness sake, if you’re female smile at the bloke next to you and make his day. He probably hasn’t had sex for months”

U.N.: Tasers Are A Form Of Torture

(CBS/AP) A United Nations committee said Friday that use of Taser weapons can be a form of torture, in violation of the U.N. Convention Against Torture.

Use of the electronic stun devices by police has been marked with a sudden rise in deaths - including four men in the United States and two in Canada within the last week.

Canadian authorities are taking a second look at them, and in the United States, there is a wave of demands to BAN them.

The U.N. Committee Against Torture referred Friday to the use of TaserX26 weapons which Portuguese police has acquired. An expert had testified to the committee that use of the weapons had “proven risks of harm or death.”

“The use of TaserX26 weapons, provoking extreme pain, constituted a form of torture, and that in certain cases it could also cause death, as shown by several reliable studies and by certain cases that had happened after practical use,” the committee said in a statement.

Tasers have become increasingly controversial in the United States, particularly after several notorious cases where their use by police to disable suspects was questioned as being excessive. Especially disturbing is the fact that six adults died after being tased by police in the span of a week.

Last Sunday, in Frederick, Md., a sheriff’s deputy trying to break up a late-night brawl tased 20-year-old Jarrel Grey. He died on the spot.

“I want to know what he did that was so bad,” the victim’s mother, Tanya James, said. “Did the deputy think that their life was in danger? Did he have a weapon?”

The death came just weeks after Frederick police used a Taser to subdue a high school student.

Black leaders held a rally Tuesday calling for the department to ban Tasers, at least until there is a clear policy on how they are used. The NAACP says it appears the sheriff’s office is using Tasers routinely, rather than as a weapon of last resort.

Also this week, in Jacksonville, Fla., in two separate cases two men died after being stunned.

One suspect, who fled a car crash and tried to break into a nearby home, struggled with a policeman, prompting the officer to tase him three times. The man continued to fight, and tried to bite the officer, while he was being tased. He was later pronounced dead at a hospital.

Another man died Tuesday after a Jacksonville officer pulled over his car. When the officer approached it, the man took off running. When the officer caught up with him, during a struggle, authorities say the officer used his Taser to subdue the suspect.

After being placed in the back of the police car the suspect became unresponsive. He was taken to the hospital where he was pronounced dead.

Last Sunday, in New Mexico, 20-year-old Jesse Saenz died after Raton police used a Taser to subdue him. Police say Saenz was struggling and fighting with them as they attempted to take him into custody.

A Motto for the UK?

Rumours are abound that Gordon Brown and Downing Street are looking to chisel out a national motto for the UK.

Americans, Swedes, Samoans have a national motto, so why not the UK?

Mr Brown’s spokesman said he welcomed debate about a motto like France’s “Liberty, Equality, Fraternity”.

But he said the prime minister was investigating a longer “statement of values” which could be used as part of any future “Bill of Rights”.

Mr Brown has urged a new relationship between government and citizens.

The Daily Mail reported that a five or six word motto could be emblazoned on every public building in Britain - and could even be included on UK passports and birth certificates to boost national pride.

What do you think, dear TeenToday readers? What sort of motto would you be proud to see on your passport?

Weird Weather in Britain

Homeowners and businesses are counting the cost after tornado-like winds ripped through parts of Britain, causing serious damage to buildings and property.

he powerful squalls wreaked havoc throughout the Midlands and the South early on Monday.

Tiles were ripped off roofs, fences blown over and in one case a caravan was blown onto its roof.

A total of 11 tornadoes were reported - five were “looking certain”, according to the tornado research group Torro.

One witness told Sky News the winds sounded like a “bomb” had gone off outside his home.

One of the most powerful tornadoes struck in Nuneaton in the West Midlands, causing damage to 35 homes.